1) When planning your commute, it is not necessary to allow for congestion or severe weather. You can always compensate for a late start by multi-tasking – use a cell phone and electric razor, apply makeup, drink your coffee, eat a sandwich, read the paper… Heck, if you’re good, you can even dress while driving. Honest. All of the practices have been observed in the Treasure Valley, some simultaneously.
2) The two-digit numbers on highway signs that appear under the word “speed” are a recommendation not a maximum. The limit is appropriate only for the elderly and sight impaired. Feel free to use the numbers as starting point.
3) A solid yellow traffic light is only a green light turned bad. Ignore it and continue on. Eventually it will just turn green again anyway.
4) When merging onto a crowded interstate highway, it’s not necessary to wait for a safe opening; create your own and then ignore the gestures of other motorists who have to brake or change lanes suddenly.
5) If you notice a gap of more than two car lengths on the interstate, fill it. Possession is nine-tenths… All recommendations about maintaining a safe following distance are null and void if you’re in a hurry – and everyone is.
6) The long stick protruding from the left of a car’s steering column is a convenient place to hang your hat and should never be used to signal your intentions to other drivers. Always keep drivers guessing; it helps them stay awake.
7) When turning onto a road that has two or more lanes of traffic moving the same direction, disregard the lane markings. Go ahead and make a sweeping turn that takes you immediately across two, three or four lanes. If nobody else is using them, why shouldn’t you?
8) That piece of highway real estate to the right of the solid white line (also known as a fog line) shouldn’t go unused. If you want to turn right, use the shoulder as a travel lane to avoid wasting precious seconds at a traffic light or stop sign. Just hope the car in front of you, in the legitimate lane, does not make a lawful turn into your unlawful path.
9) On snow- or ice-covered highways, four-wheel drive vehicles rule. No questions asked; no debate. They are subservient only to snow plows and 18-wheelers. Your highest priority is to get out of their way. It matters not that their stopping distance is about the same as yours.
10) Two-wheeled vehicles – motorcycles and bicycles – have half the right as real vehicles to occupy travel lanes. And because they carry less mass, their operators will gladly yield to their heavier competition.
11) Above all, remember your schedule and your priorities take precedence over all other drivers. No one has the right to impede your progress or slow your travel. You pay taxes and own the road.